The Investment of a Relationship

money

How close are you to the end?

So you’ve decided to slow your roll, and go through the motions of monogamy for a change. When you’ve found yourself no longer grabbing at anything that moves, and working on keeping your urges focused to one female, you’ve entered the Relationship Zone. Stick around in one long enough, and you’ll get to know all about the Relationship Stages and what comes along with them. Please note, the cost of these stages goes up incrementally as you become less and less single.

Stage 1: Casual but Fun

You’ve meet through friends or at the bar or on an online dating site and BINGO, you’ve lucked out and have chemistry. When you see each other, the thought of engaging in physical acts that are still outlawed in some States is on both of your minds. The good times keep rolling in, and it’s completely innocent. Almost.

What it means to your wallet: $

Definitely buy her drinks when you go out.
The occasional shot (because let’s face it, you’re still not sure if you’ll score)
Dinner, movies, and other casual entertainment
Cab ride home (at night or the next morning)

Stage 2: Weekend buddies

Well, well… you’ve started spending a little more time with your new buddy. No problem – you’re getting used to each other, and still having a great time. What’s more, no longer is either one of you doing the walk of shame. It’s turned into breakfast and maybe a morning walk with the dog. Still . . . it’s innocent. That’s if you’re not a hardcore practicing Catholic.

What it means to your wallet: $$

Since she’s now your “date” when you go out, expect to cover the bar tab.
You’ll going to have an overnight “guest” and that means morning coffee.
Stock up on food, or you’ll be going out for breakfast.
If you’re gettin’ some, she won’t be ordering the cheapest thing from the dinner menu.

Stage 3: Meet the Friends and Hang

Yep, it’s now pretty much official. You’re dating. And part of that title encompasses the test of meeting friends. You want to keep this girl around for a while, and she is definitely sizing you up as a long-term prospect by this point. Your friends will likely approve of anyone with a pulse as long as you’ve got a grin on your face. Her friends are a little more selective, though. Got a job? Check. Got your own place? Check. Decent hygiene? (this one is crucial!) Check. If you’re making her happy, her friends will know – and you can expect to be kept around for awhile.

What it means to your wallet: $$$

Drinks – Now that she’s got you, you’ll notice that those pints of Miller and shots of Jaeger she was content drinking are now being phased out for fancier wines and top-shelf mixed drinks.
Still paying for Dinner? You betcha – but now it includes breakfast and lunch, because you’ll be spending entire days together.
Ever been to a Broadway Musical? (suck it up buddy, you’re in for it now!)

Stage 4: The next step - GAS

The expectation of the weekends are pre-planned with each other. Comfort levels are now at an all time high and . . . wind has been broken around her.

What it means to your wallet: $$$$

See above, plus:
Flowers (for breaking wind)
Weekend getaways

NOTE: It should be noted that the Gas Stage is really the point of no return. Once you’ve passed gas in each other’s presence, you’ve reached a comfort level that will be difficult to undo.

Stage 6: Meet the folks/Moving in

This is it, the last step before the knot is tied . . . or the chain is secured to your ankle. From here on out, you’ve lost the “I” and it’s now “we”.

What it means to your wallet: $$$$$