Cheers from DudeRated.com!

Whether you’re joining friends at the neighborhood pub or traveling to a holiday dinner, one can be guaranteed that drinks will be there to thoroughly lubricate the evening (sorry, couldn’t think of a better word).

If you've been to this site more than once, you've probably figured out that the DudeRated.com crew spends a lot of time hanging out, and throwing back pints together…

And after a serious debate of social profiling based on drink in hand, and hours of imitating what a marinated Jeremy Piven might be like at a holiday party, this is where the DudeRated.com writers found ourselves:

 

Holiday Season Drink'in

1.  Eggnog

Tradition is tradition and nothing is as traditional as the serving of  fat-laden creamy calories and whiskey to begin the evening with family and friends. The guest holding this is mentally yelling, “I just showed up at this party offering a fine bottle of wine and this is what I get in return???”

Best Served To?  Grandma.

 

2.  The Pinot Grigio (the white): 

She’s wearing a skinny red dress. She’s not married. And she didn’t bring a date. The writing on the wall couldn’t be bigger.

Best Served To?  That lonely vixen looking for some holiday cheer.

 

 

3.  The Pinot Noir (the Red):

The festive holidays have a poster child for the go-to wine, and this can pretty much be it. It’s the safe bet for any guest, projecting to everyone in their surroundings that they're getting a conservative start to the evening. It’s also a pretty good assumption that this person is wearing some sort of clothing with reindeer, Santa Claus, or snow flakes knitted in. We’ve all been there.

Best Served To?  Mom, Aunt Lucy, Uncle Bruce, and the ladies from the Republicans for Peace club.

 

3.  Light Beer (Bud, Coors, Etc.):

Being a gender neutral (neutered) society now, we shouldn’t polarize anyone holding a beer. But this is “mostly” grasped by men. And usually because the evening will call for some sort of anesthesia against the onslaught of in-laws, relatives, and having to wear that knitted sweater with snowflakes. Hence the word “grasp”. Drink on my friend then proceed to The Jack and Coke.

Best Served To?  Just about anyone, provided they can hold the bottle.  This is the drink of the masses.

 

4.  Dark Beer (Guiness):

Aye, now this guy is ready to settle in for the long haul. An experienced holiday veteran, he’s seen all the ups and downs this kind of party brings. Possibly a grizzly fellow, he tells stories repeated every year word for word, you could almost lip-sync it better than Brittany (Pre-Fedderline).

Best Served To?  Grizzly fellas, lumberjacks, and the Irish.

 

 

5.  The Jack and Coke:

Like an olympic athlete looking for that next gear of endurance, a guest may reach for this. It says to all, “I was here for the food, now, I’m here for you!”. Yes this person is ready to bring the holiday party to the next level. Beware though, poor decisions are just over the horizon. Better bring out the camera and be ready!

Best Served To?  Guys who graduated from college 5-10+ years ago, and want to re-live their glory days.

 

 

6.  Jack minus the Coke:

You know that figurative socially acceptable line, the one where on this side all things said and done are without judgment to character and, on the other, all actions are followed by the damaging silence of public disbelief as you collide head-on, into the wall of humiliation? This person is on the non-stop holiday express without a helmet. 

Best Served To?  This chap.

 

 

7.  Jose Cuervo:

Jose is a corruptor. Jose comes out on personal celebrations or losses. Jose was never meant for the holidays. Jose is just plain bad. Expect holiday ornaments to be molested and a need to articulate bodily urges more frequently.

Best Served To?  Fraternity guys, home for Christmas break.

 

8.  Grain Alcohol:

Grain Alcohol (everclear): This one came out of left field in our conversations. One contributor had a story involving a neighbors plastic santa w/ reindeer lawn ornaments, fireworks, and the local fire department. The empty bottle of Everclear was discreetly hidden in the nearby bushes. If you have any good stories about this one; write back! We’d love to post ‘em.

Best Served To?  Grandpa.